#I've been ranting too much I know
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tbh i dont get the whole drama about the way charlie answers haladriel-related questions. i think both antis and shippers are blowing it way out of proportion. the actors aren't the writers/directors, they can't know for sure where the story is headed to, so they have to be extra careful not to set up misleading expectations.
showing him thirst tweets about hot sauron is wrong as it could make him uncomfortable, but asking questions about haladriel is perfectly reasonable. haladriel isn't just a fanon, the romantic implications are clearly there, of course the interviewers will ask him about it. but he will answer vaguely and it's fine! i think we all need to relax. it would be much better if they asked these questions to the showrunners instead, though.
Will preface to say this is brought over from Twitter, addressing Charlie's more recent interviews, just so no one is confused...
instagram
Where do I even begin with this?
My first problem with it is the tweets they showed him were just extremely rude. Making him read backhanded compliments about the season, even if he took it in stride, is extremely unnecessary and quite frankly, disrespectful to the work he's put in as an actor.
In regards to Haladriel, I don't disagree with you completely anon! I think Haladriel questions, to an extent, are perfectly fine and reasonable. When you ask about where they're going in the show with these two characters, how certain things were thought up before doing them, what their perspective is on certain scenes and dynamics. These are normal questions that interviewers should ask!
However, what they're doing here is having him read a bunch of tweets from stan twt. On top of being a lazy interview idea, it is simply crossing a boundary into fandom spaces that very clearly makes him a bit squeamish, as he says at the beginning.
It's a slippery slope because most fans do not speak about these characters in online spaces with the intention of having the actors who play those characters see their thirst tweets about them. Or, at least, I hope you aren't doing that. This is our space and I don't think valuing his or even the showrunner's opinion on the ship over everything else is conducive to building a good fandom space. The ship, at the end of the day, is ours to build upon and extrapolate from.
As I said on Twitter:
Ships belong to fans. Wild concept but I don’t think we should give a fuck what the actors, showrunners, or directors think. We create our own canon in art, fics, discussion, etc. What happens in the show will hurt a lot less that way. Nobody’s allowed in this house except who we let in.
And I stand by this very deeply. Ships like Reylo have fandoms and bestselling authors that still stand today because they didn't value what was said in the source material over everything else, they built communities and their own narratives out of sheer spite against what the canon gave them.
#I've been ranting too much I know#thank you for the ask anyway#haladriel#the rings of power#charlie vickers#anon
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wait i'm curious, what makes you say that gregor doesn't like everyone else (if i read that post right)? just curious since i've never seen anyone else say that
i don't necessarily think gregor dislikes everyone else at lcb but i do think that gregor is an incredibly petty person that isn't nearly as close to the rest of the sinners and even outright dislikes some of them cough cough rodya cough cough which a lot of people just Refuse to see because he's as much of a doormat as he is. there's several examples i could get into to try and prove my point however i'll just focus on what i personally think to be the biggest ones.
additionally, this is going to be kind of long, so i'm adding a read more. read more! read it. sorry for being so wordy. i have several diseases.
Pt1. gregor is the type to try and get along at least decently with everyone, especially if he gets a good first impression from them.
this is less a point in favor of gregor's distance w/ the rest of the sinners and more just a contributing factor to it. once again there's several examples i could point to here but i think the most in your face one happened in canto I with yuri, as several people have pointed out. even before gregor comes clean about growing attached to her as quickly as he did because she reminds him of his sister, we get this interaction.
i'll go ahead and make the disclaimer now that i don't necessarily think gregor is the most reliable of narrators, especially when it comes to his feelings and interactions with most people, but from the way he acts when the topic of yuri comes up (and the way we still see him act even all the way up to c7, nearly a whole year after yuri's death) i don't see reason to question his sentiment here. gregor immediately got that aya and yuri were close, potentially even taking note of their traded belts, and went out of his way to get something nice for yuri despite hardly knowing her.
i feel like a lot of people have forgotten as much, especially since it's been so long since c1, but gregor actually spent a good bit of season 1 doing the exact same thing with the other sinners! gregor reads a connection between him and ishmael pretty quickly despite getting off to a rocky start
mostly because gregor can tell that ishmael is pretty sardonic in a very similar way to him. there's been multiple instances where ishmael and gregor have essentially expressed the same sentiment at different moments, most notably gregor's little argument after ishmael got shot with a decay ampule in c4
and ishmael's response to pilot talking about self-sacrifice in c5
i could go ahead and pull up more examples, but in general pm has gone out of their way to show us that gregor and ishmael are pretty similar, so it makes sense for gregor to assume that they're friends, right?
this will be pushpin 1. keep note of this for Later.
ishmael's only the first sinner we see gregor trying to do this with in s1, we also see him try it out with heathcliff, sinclair, and ryoushuu
he's tried to get along with charon, being one of very few sinners that we've seen actually try to establish a connection with her at all
even rodya, despite my insistence that gregor doesn't like her nearly as much as the fandom thinks he does
all of these seem pretty fine and dandy, right? sure it frequently leans towards self-degradation, micromanaging, and commiseration, but gregor can at least be pretty chummy with most of the sinners, can't he?
Pt2. hell's chicken was more than just comic relief guys please
i'm fully aware that this is quite the hot take, but i think hell's chicken deserves a lot more credit for character writing than the fandom gives it. hell's chicken gave us foreshadowing for several events, such as the donqui bloodfiend reveal
heathcliff's distortion in c6 (as well as hong lu's highly speculated distortion at some point in the future)
and ryoushuu and sinclair's continued connection by making him the odd one out on her team
which, hey! that implies something about gregor's odd one out, don quixote, too, doesn't it? yes. yes it does. that's pushpin 2. keep note of that for later.
speaking of pushpins, hey! that's pushpin 1!
splitting into teams is one of the major events in hell's chicken, and most of the sinner's choices are either motivated by very little, backhanded, or motivated primarily by not wanting to be on the opposite leader's side. i didn't include all of the picks, just because i feel like including most of them already gets this across, but i think gregor took one major thing from this: most of the sinners, when push comes to shove, will only side with gregor when they refuse to or can't take his opponent's side.
now, don't get me wrong, i'm fully aware that this is primarily intended to be comedic relief, but when gregor is being described as having his trust broken by ishmael or nearly crying because no one on his team properly sided with him for him, i feel like it's pretty fair to read into this.
something that i think is pretty important to remember in conjunction with this is that we know that gregor is the type to hold a grudge, both from his general attitude towards the G corp soldiers in c1 as well as his continued distaste for vergilius
even beyond the splitting into teams of hell's chicken, the sinners have given gregor plenty of reasons to feel bitter. i feel like this is something people have noticed but haven't really put a finger on, but it's kind of wild just how often the rest of the sinners make gregor the butt of the joke
and sure, we could argue that a fair few of these aren't really made with any ill intent. quite a bit of it could have been meant as harmless teasing, but with gregor being more sensitive than most, it coming from nearly all sides, and as often as it does? yeah, i think he's prone to taking it a bit personally.
Pt3. yes i do still think gregor was the third most important character in canto VII you guys gotta hear me out okay
of course, all of this leads up to the bit of the story i highlighted, doesn't it? c7? i totally get why people haven't really picked up on all the gregor things i did in it, seeing as they were mostly not *directly* said about him or by him.
personally, i think that gregor's distaste for talking about himself on any serious level and thus leading to him getting sort of "sidelined" narratively (which i take issue with that claim, but still. it's effective for getting what i mean across atm) is supposed to lead players to take a deeper look at the times gregor gets held up to other characters and compare and contrast what's being said about them by the matchup. as i showed earlier with his immediate latching onto ishmael, i think this is something gregor himself is at least partially aware of too.
so, that begs the question, who was gregor compared to in canto VII that makes me think it's one of the most critical pieces in understanding his character?
really, i'd like to avoid getting too lost in the analysis of this canto specifically, since i'd like to do a proper post about this later, but i figure i can bury the lede a little before doing it properly.
c7 features several characters being made to perform in sansón's play, acting out the relevant backstory for this segment of the plot. a lot of these characters have rather direct, degrading reasons for playing the roles they do.
outis, a character with an inflated ego who wants her journey to have a purpose, is made to play an aimlessly wandering villager with a single line.
hong lu and ryoushuu, two characters for whom families and the expectations placed upon them are likely going to play a major role, are made to play bloodfiends.
rodya, a character who resents her lot in life and is constantly shown to be eager to leave her destitution behind her and become someone special, is made to play a helpless villager that's too poor to even offer any money to the hero that saves her.
heathcliff, a character that has spent most of his life getting dehumanized by comparing him to beastly animals, is made to play a literal bear whose sole purpose in the plot is to get beat up and then quickly left by the wayside.
sinclair, a character that has two opposed parties essentially treating him as a macguffin to procure for their side, is made to play the character who was arguably the catalyst for this entire canto, not to mention playing a decently major role in ruina.
our star don quixote is made to play her father, the first kindred, but there's someone by their side the entire time, isn't there? don quixote's dear, steadfastly loyal companion. a character which don quixote has tasked themself with getting to come out of their shell?
hello again, pushpin 2.
gregor has been made to play our unreachable star, sancho. someone had to, of course. you can't really tell a story without it's main character, now can you?
now, i should once again give a disclaimer. i am not trying to say that i think adapting what happens to donqui/sancho in c7 to gregor is the road pm is going to take here, not only would that toe a bit past the line of foreshadowing, but it'd also just amount to rehashing that plotline again, which i don't think would make for a particularly exciting story.
what i DO think is that we can take a lot of the things that are said to either directly be the case for sancho and use them to inform how we see gregor.
and god, does playing sancho have some fucking implications for our favorite ossan archetype.
starting off, the earliest moment we get to see of sancho is quite literally her just waiting for death to take her in a pile of ashes.
which, i should remind everyone, is actually pretty damn close to what happens to gregor's literary counterpart at the end of the metamorphosis. gregor samsa experiences one final breaking point that pushes him over the edge and makes him decide to just wait for starvation to take him.
gregor and sancho both consider themselves to no longer be human, something which sancho goes out of her way to highlight repeatedly throughout the canto and gregor is quick to get defensive on her behalf for when outis starts really tearing into her
sancho spends quite a lot of this story denying herself the joys of community and friendship, despite knowing that, even with the rest of the sinners frequently making jokes at her expense and outright insulting her, they were things that she desperately craved.
and, while this is getting into my "outis is a red herring meant to distract us from gregor's eventual betrayal" theorizing, i also think it's worth noting for this discussion that sancho's fellow kindreds, her family, all seem to be under the impression that she dislikes them and ultimately her departure was an act of betrayal
and that, despite gregor being one of LCB's resident mood makers and attempted conflict de-escalators, one of the sinners that's most prone to making appeals to the bonds they've all forged together, only him and faust remained silent during everyone's speech
so yeah, i think there's quite a lot of little details and hints building up to the reveal that gregor's not quite as fond of everyone as he presents himself to be. i do think a lot of this ultimately comes down to gregor getting in the way of his own happiness, similarly to donqui, particularly because he's been frequently portrayed as something of a self fulfilling prophecy, especially by giving him as many christ allegories as they have by way of priest and garden of thorns. gregor is convinced that the rest of the sinners don't like him because he's not convinced anyone could like him, so he convinces himself that he hates them because why should he care if someone that he hates hates him too?
a lot of this ultimately ties back to my personal interpretation of what happens in the metamorphosis as well as my own theories regarding all the times gregor has made weird callbacks and references to lobcorp and ruina, but yeah. i think about this guy and his deeper characterization a fairly normal amount, i think.
to end this off i'll highlight one of my favorite little "gregor is fucking seething and trying so hard to keep it cool" moments, in the credits CG for c7 we see rodya teasing him by drawing a little horse on his window and actively pointing and laughing at it, which gregor really doesn't seem all too pleased about.
i personally think this ties into the other cruel part of sansón forcing gregor to play rocinante, which is the more literal "he's actually just straight up playing rocinante" side of things. gregor was quite literally made to play something less than human, less than even animal really, as he was reduced to nothing more than the shoes don quixote wore as she got to play the leading role. sansón directly makes jokes about gregor being nothing more than shoes in the play twice, which adds to this reading, i think.
this, imo, really plays into the adaptation of the metamorphosis! i've seen a lot of readings for the book that posit that, despite being the protagonist, gregor samsa can't really be considered the main character due to nearly everything he experiences in it being used to further his family's character development at his expense, which i think fits nicely with limbus gregor seemingly having the most said about him through indirect means by holding him up to other characters. also it's rodya carelessly making fun of His Big Major Insecurities™ again like she did in c1 which i always find fun. rodya i love you but god you're the worst.
#beargregor's property#limbus company#project moon#lcb gregor#something to bear in mind#beargregor's analysis#beargregor's theories#do i bother tagging both of those i feel like i do#oh also.#long post#sorry guys i promised i would try and stay brief when i set out to respond to this ask and before i knew it seven hours passed#my bad#does this give me normal gregor fan cred#i'm fully preparing myself to be screenshotted and posted to twitter or reddit with people making fun of my reading of him but idrc honestl#also i'm really hoping that LCB regular check up has donqui actually like#confront gregor about the fact that he was playing her in sansón's plays#i've seen people insinuate that any deeper reading to the roles they got in them is doing too much#and while i really don't agree with that just due to how much sansón fit the roles to be as cruel as possible to their sinners#i do think at the very bare minimum that the comparisons drawn between gregor and sancho are Very Intentional#despite gregor's supposed lack of proper Deep character moments people love to claim i really do think that we know a lot about him#significantly more than people think we do#just because so much of it has been told to us indirectly or has this aspect of plausible deniability to it#just due to gregor being the way he is#a lot of these smaller subtler details in his proper main writing get highlighted more in his IDs and EGO#like gregor's pettiness and grudge holding in AEDD or the aforementioned self-fulfilling prophecy-ness of priest and garden of thorns#anyway. that's it. gregor is fat by the way did i mention that. also very hairy. refer to my url for more details.#ignore how i just can't shut up about him i promise i'm normal. i promise it's over i can rant about him more another day. i swear.
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i liked the sparring scene from the start of siege of darkness a normal amount
#ugh i've been working on this for like several days#it's been so long since i fully shaded and rendered something so the perfectionist in me is tempted to just keep adjusting shading opacitie#but no i'm posting it now and then i'm never going to look at it again#lest i notice a mistake#artist things. you understand#these two... they are sooo good to me i love them they're adorable#i love them and their stupid personality flaws and their stupid will they won't they romance and their stupid mutual pining <3#ordinarily a male mc ogling at their love interest might come off as creepy but 1. drizzt has emotional issues so it's ok and 2. he's a gir#i almost put a lesbian flag behind him in the doodle of him staring at catti but i reeled it in#but for real transfem drizzt anyone? i've been thinking of this nonstop am i the only person to ever have thought of that?#i actually legit am shocked i've not seen anyone else in the fandom make that observation yet cuz he's SO transfem coded to me#it makes sooo much sense and catti-brie's relationship with wulfgar is like TEXTBOOK comphet too BUT WHATEVER WHATEVER it's fine it's fine#don't even worry about it#one day i'll rant about it#The Cattidrizzt Yuri Rant#it's on the horizon#but the point is they're cute & i like them#starless night and siege of darkness are def my favourite books so far#ESPECIALLY STARLESS NIGHT LITERALLY SUUUCH A GOOD BOOK#you know how long it's been since i got so obsessed with something that i drew this much fanart of it??? YEARS#it began SO SUDDENLY but these books have me in a CHOKEHOLD#legend of drizzt#drizzt do'urden#catti-brie battlehammer#catti-brie#putting 2 tags for her cuz realistically who is searching her name with the clan name on this site.#lod#forgotten realms#dnd#i feel like because of lighting my drizzt design's skintone looks comically different in every drawing i do of him
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Just to clarify my thoughts (since I've had a number of people ask me about it) re: Job and cursing God. There's a big difference between cursing God as used in Scripture and how we generally would think of cursing at God today.
Cursing someone, in the Bible, has a lot of depth to it. It's not just saying "screw you " in anger, it's got a sense of forsakenness to it. It's the opposite of a blessing, a removal of blessing. If the blessing is presence, your face shining on the person you're blessing, then a curse is absence. In some translations, Job's wife tells him to "renounce God and die," which I honestly think makes a lot more sense to modern ears.
Job says a lot of unpleasant things to and about God in his anger and grief. So do the Psalmists. A number of the Prophets. So can we. God can take it if we come to him with honest expressions of our emotion, including those not-so-nice ones directed at him. I don't think there's anything wrong with getting mad at God and saying, "How dare you, you bastard" when you suffer unjustly. You can say much worse, I think, without sinning, though I don't feel particularly inclined to give examples. But as long as it's an honest expression of your heart, I think you're doing exactly what prayer is for. You're presenting him your heart with an open hand. He can use that. Opposite of love is not hate but indifference, etc.
Job doesn't renounce God. Neither should we. But I think when you're truly suffering, you're gonna have those feelings toward God either way. He'd rather you address them with him directly than try to avoid them. Cursing at God in the modern sense is actually a great way to keep the relationship strong and not end up cursing/renouncing him in the Biblical sense.
#i did try to draw that distinction in the original post but I didn't really go into detail#mostly bc i was trying to be concise and just focus on how the church talks to sufferers#so here's the long version#pontifications and creations#only thou art holy#also side note: there was someone yesterday who responded to that post with the suggestion that suffering is generally the sufferer's fault#and it got worse from there#just an absolutely rank response that had me immediately blocking that person and googling if there was a way to remove someone's addition#idk to what degree that person is an active member of this broader christian community we've got going on here#but if you see that post (and you'll know it when you see it) please as a favor to me don't interact with it#there were some lovely responses and additions to that post yesterday too#but that one made me mad#idk. to a certain degree i wanted to vent#they're blocked now though so whatever#anyway. I've sort of been percolating on these various thoughts for a few weeks#since i went to a really fluffy women's talk on suffering#and now i kind of want to give my version#I'm far from the greatest sufferer in the world. i am well aware of that#but as I've been sick I've just done So Much Thinking and reading about theodicy and struggle with God that i feel qualified to opine#unlike the giver of that talk#anyway#tag rant over#...for now#theodicy
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Can't fucking stand Black Butler antis, YES my favorite scene was the fucking asthma scene bitch AND???? I'M WEIRD? WHY DID YOU WATCH AN ANIME WITH CLEARLY SUGGESTIVE SCENES LIKE THAT HUH???
SPEAK UP.
#talking as if we didn't all know what the undertones were with the corset scene#if you hate that shit so much rhis isn't YOUR space#it's OURS#I remember the fanart. bitch i remember the sebaciel MEMES I'd scroll through on Pinterest#with comments laughing about how funny or adding on to it#i remember the youtube compilations and the bitches all swooning at the sebaciel scenes#and now youre going to sit there#and look at me like I'M the freak for still being like this. mother. fucking. bitch eHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE THEN?????#why are you WATCHING why are you READING without SOME DEGREE OF *TOLERANCE* FOR SEBACIEL#I'm sorry. it's not like I've been even too involved in Kuroshitsuji in recent years just#it feels like.. entitlement to me? it rubs me the wrong way#proship#proship rant#sebaciel#pro ship#pro fiction#do i tag this as shotacon?#proshippers please interact
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learning to code!
When I was 9 years old, I learned enough html to code neopets pages, my own geocities websites, and I even made forums on my own sites so my friends could all roleplay together or rant together lol. And then? I forgot so much. I no longer no how to make a forum, or even a 'next page' button - so even the dream of just making a simple blog or webnovel site feels like a huge hurdle now. (9 year old me could probably figure it out in 2 hours).
So I'm relearning! I figured this would be a fun post to place resources I find for coding, since there's coding languages, and I figure maybe if you like running you're blog then you also might be interested in tools for making blogs!
First, for those of you who miss the old geocities and angelfire type of sites to make your own free site on: neocities.org
You can make free sites you can code yourself, the way 9 year old me did. A lot of people have made SUCH amazing sites, it's baffling my mind trying to figure out how they did, I definitely wish I could make an art portfolio site even a fourth as cool as some of the sites people have made on here.
And for those pressed for time, who aren't about to learn coding right now: wix.com is the place I recommend for building a site, it requires no coding skill and is fairly straightforward about adding pages or features by clicking buttons. I used it to make my art portfolio site, I am testing out using it for my webnovel - the alternative is Wordpress, but wix.com is letting me basically make a wordpress blog Inside my own site. It's very beginner friendly in terms of "how the fuck do I set up a 'sign up for updates' message and have my site actually email these people my novel updates?" and "I need a 4x20 grid of my art down the page, that lets people click the art to see it's information and make it bigger."
I did neocities.org's little html tutorial today, it's the part of html I DID remember (links, paragraphs, headers).
My next step is to go through htmldog.com's tutorials. They go from beginner, to intermediate, to CSS. Unlike many a coding tutorial I've seen, they explain what program on your computer you need to WRITE the code in and then how to save it and how to open it. (You'd think this isn't a big deal but I've been looking into how to learn Python for months and I can't find a tutorial explaining what fucking program to write my python in... notepad? do I need something else? I don't fucking know!! My dad finally gave me a printed textbook which supposedly tells you what to download to start... I learned C++ in college and for that you needed Visual Basic to code C++, so I figured I needed Something to Write the fucking python IN.)
#coding#rant#wooh my new CODING TAG#learning to code#i feel very. odd if im honest?#i genuinely knew how to build full fucking forum websites as a child including user sign ups#and i studied Computer Science Engineering in college so i did everything with C++ we were asked to and got As#and then i promptly BLOCKED IT OUT because i#HATED studying c++ SO fucking much. i hated my whole major. i did not like Engineering. i hated it. i was so mentally destroyed#by my college major that when i graduated i got a DIFFERENT job#and do NOTHING related to my major#i want to get into a more tech focused career eventually...since that is what my fucking degree is in#but i've been looking into something with less coding OR trying to teach myself#to like coding as long as its not fucking c++ again... i cant do it. too many bad memories#i think cybersecurity sounds like a fun job.#but u know me. im a person who likes knowing the BASICS#so i feel like i need to Relearn to code and learn python decently#before i try to study cybersecurity specific shit
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the terukane development still blows off my mind because what do you mean akane considers himself telling teru to go away while he's on a date with aoi an ooc thing. I grew up in a time when "hearing sorry from you is creepy" was legit his most normal and calmest response
ashamed to admit but I'm still there. my mind is still there. and then I watch in pure horror how akane caresses teru's back
#yes ch103 was not enough to convince me#my heart has been aching so much for akane bc I was always like#ohhh godddddd you aren't obliged to do any of this you're way too kind for this world please reconsider & have more confidence in yourself#and then the things Kept Happening and more frequently too and at some point I was like WAIT YOU'RE FOR REAL ?#YOU CARE-CARE?#“oh my god. you poor thing.”#ashk28 feels like a wild fever dream#first of all. WHAT . second of all. WHAT DO YOU MEAN ALLAT HAPPENED BEFORE THE GRIM REAPER ARC#terukane#ik nobody's perfect & it's the tbhk charm#but akane is genuinely one of the most kind and gentle souls out there for me#I'm getting emotional#dear please tell more about yourself#where did you get such strong empathy & the ability to remain caring and gentle despite it all#and the alarming lack of self-confidence#sweetie you're the best thing to have ever happened to aoi and teru#please know that#jshk#tbhk#ok I indeed got emotional#now I ofc do realize he's been caring about both of them long before ashk28 release but I've honestly been Ignoring the signs#was treating them like a queerbait I guess#I don't think there's anything super wrong with 'queerbait' though#shit I've started overthinking and now I'm not even sure what 'queerbait' is#time to finish this rant#I've tagged this as terukane but finished talking more about teruaoikane growing closer in general#as a trio#I should do a teruaoi post someday maybe#aoi akane#ty aidairo for him
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That moment when you have to let people be wrong about you because correcting them would make you seem like an unbearable show-off
I was at a bookstore with a friend the other day and I was looking at a book in German that I was interested in buying, but then I saw that it was a translation and had originally been written in French
I commented idly to my friend "Sometimes I don't buy a book because it's a translation and I always prefer to read in the original language when possible" and she said in an agreeing-with-me way, "Yeah it would make more sense to read it in English"
and I realized she assumed I meant English when I said "original language"
but I couldn't bring myself to say "Yeah, or French or Dutch or Spanish or Italian or Portuguese or one of the other languages I read..." because like. who says that kind of thing.
#it's odd but i've suddenly been noticing a lot of people underestimating me lately#like i told a friend i was studying compsci/programming#and she started sending me like... links to absolute beginner 'how to start learning to code' resources#which of course is very sweet and i really appreciate her supportiveness!#so i certainly don't want to say 'lol i passed that point 10 years ago but thanks'#or my friends know perfectly well that i'm a language professional and have spent time studying many languages#but somehow they don't seem to make the connection that that translates into having actual abilities?#like i can piece together the meaning of a sentence in russian or chinese and they'll go 'wtf' like i'm a wizard or something#or i've mentioned a few times that i read for fun in various languages but that seems to just go in one ear and out the other for most folk#and they still can't conceive that i would read a WHOLE BOOK in a language that's not german or english#these are just two examples but i've seen it happen with several other things too#and i'm just... not sure how normal people handle this sort of thing?#how do you let your friends know what you're capable of without coming across as an arrogant prick#i'm not seeking approbation and so i don't tend to boast#but i think maybe i err too hard in the opposite direction?#maybe i've been accidentally implying all these years that i'm Very Amateur in all my interests/hobbies#i don't know how to strike a reasonable balance#but it does feel kind of. weirdly alienating. to suddenly realize most of my friends really don't Know me in this way#cosmo gyres#personal#tag rant#i guess what annoys me is that i'm very careful not to do this to others#if someone tells me about a certain interest or hobby of theirs i assume by default that they must know So Much about it#and if i dare to send them or suggest them anything i always preface it with 'you probably already know this but...'#or 'this may well be something that's painfully obvious to someone with your expertise but...'#and i would try to never make any statement or suggestion that implies i think they're at a low level in [whatever that thing is]#so it bothers me a bit when other people don't take the same consideration. i guess.#(not enough to do anything about it beyond blogging with mild annoyance. but hey)
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guys its finally done
after exactly like 3 months the killer analysis is FINALLY done......oh my trio we're so back WE'RE SO BACK!!!!! in exchange for this long awaited victory i will be working on a little comic.........killer WILL be featured there will be no more of excluding him here ‼️

here's a wip panel from it x3
#tricule rant#killers mischievous face at the end 😒😒😒 explodes him for all he's done to me#oh he did some things and worked some magic to be able to get horror's blood and dust's dust#what are those things now you may ask??? well thats something between the murder time trio i cant tell you about......... go ask them 🙂#i feel so clever finally being able to come up with dialogue for killer and make him DO things in my head#also i have a SHITTON of headcanons now. around 100 drafts i'd guess but who knows 😇#it was a cold winter without mtt and spring was unbearable without the trio but we are SO back#we're so back guys i'm so back this is legendary#also also new art for my banner coming soon who knows x3 who knows#and over this whole process i've realized just how much i absolutely fucking LOVE my mtt fic#actually no i just love my mtt take in general. mtt fic is only just the beginning#this comic i feel is a tad affectionate for killer but also its very implied the trio have been together for a while now#sooooo.....yk.........EVENTUALLY they have to get along..........#i would like to thank ena dream bbq for giving me inspiration to finish the killer analysis#i saw a quote from the game that reminded me of killer and it gave me the needed push to finish it#ALSO ALSO along with this comic and the possible banner art#triglycercule maayyyy or may not have been cooking up some character designs#you know.......for every popular sans au........just a tad who knows#i originally did it to draw characters i never did before (like delta) because i really only draw mtt all the time#but also its just so sososoooo fun to come up with character designs i love coming up with the outfits#the full list is uhh mtt and then dream and nm (young versions too) classic fell swap ink error geno color delta epic cross farm outer reapr#yeah i think thats all of them!!! everyone has an individualized design (except for classic because hes sans undertale)#even though majority of these guys are just sans continuations i dont like leaving them all to have a hoodie and shorts and thats it#even objectively good designs already like cross and epic got the triglycercule touch on them :3 least favorite has to be color though#its just because its kinds hard to give the guy an aesthetic like everyone else..... had to lean into the rainbow flames HEAVILY :p#outer is probably one of my favorite ones though he looks soooo cute x3#anyways anyways thats all for today tumblr like and subscribe for more and ill see you in the next post (i gtg do homework now 💀)
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(mgv) house and wilson display courting behaviors and don't even realize it. granted, courting in that sense is out of style and traditionalist so even if they did believe they were doing it, they'd wrinkle their noses (house especially). but like.... house buying them expensive tickets to a thing is an opportunity to grow closer, wilson letting his food get stolen isn't just a show of patience but proof he can be a good provider, etc etc. the amount of times they get mistaken for a couple in omegaverse is, in turn, much greater than it already is in canon
#house md#hilson#i can imagine some people are more food aggressive naturally as it's an evolutionary trait#parents typically teach their kids not to bite if anything else should anyone reach for their food#but once they come into secondary puberty the instinct can return with a vengeance#so the 90% of the time that wilson doesn't even twitch as house steals half his lunch is a ->#sign of just how close they are AND how much wilson actually likes house#because food sharing is a love language no matter the au it's in real life it's oouguhhh#i've been on this rant before i know i have#and they (general public) don't even know how many times wilson brings dinner home too..........#“home” to house's place. even if wilson HAS A WIFE AND HIS OWN PLACE#and that's just canon. this show makes me sick (i am having a great time with house md)#mgv
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thinking about the person i could have been if i tried a little harder to find my own way
#probably the thing i am resenting my parents for right now is how good they were at convincing me#not to pursue any career paths other than the ones they laid out#every time i was like hey this seems interesting should i check it out? they would be so quick with the#do you care enough about it to stake your livelihood on it? to do it for your whole working life?#and obviously 8 yo 12 yo 14 yo 17 yo 18 yo me would get terrified and go no sorry and just not look into anything further#supposedly this is the safe option but everything i do feels meaningless#all of the jobs in this field seem meaningless#the job market in this field right now is dog shit and I'm fighting like hell for positions that just make me sad to think about#but every time i think hey what if i tried another thing#now my brain shuts me down with the do you care enough about it to stake your livelihood on it#your whole life on it#and the answer is no and it's gonna be no for a long time i bet#don't know if I'll ever find my way out of it#told my roommate's boyfriend about my general dispassion for pretty much everything in life#he asked me if I'm even a person#which feels very true#i feel like this path I've followed if i keep following it#I'm not going to be a person i can be proud of#i know it's really early in my life to say but#idk if it's nature or nurture or my own damn fault but all the ambition has been weaned out of me and I've been getting just surviving#i just wish i got told more you can be whatever you want to be :)#instead of whatever you'll do you'll be good at so do what makes money and push your hobbies to the side you can do them after you retire#your mom likes this and you're good at it so you'll like it too it'll make you money this is the best thing#the other thing is harder and doesn't make as much money don't do that you won't like it that much i bet#when i was younger#maybe I'd be struggling more but I'd be really happy and fulfilled#or maybe this is genuinely the best timeline and eggs who tried to pursue art hates it now#maybe I'd be really stupid at all the other things i gave a passing glance at#eggsistential speaks#tag rant
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love how much perspective i've got with doctor who. i knew i loved the tenth doctor in a lot of ways, even with how his serious and emotional scenes can rip me into several pieces and set me on fire and then burn my ashes too. thought i was just a girl loving a fictional man but 15 years later i'm sobbing in the least heterosexual ways possible experiencing tennant's doctors as an ND traumatised gay aspec trans man
#man reliving this all again after it went downhill makes me go insane#fresh new perspective surrounded by simple nostalgia gODDDD i miss watching the promos and trailers at the time#it's not the same#my gay ass can't handle this being all brought back to me#my special interest is back and i'd thought i'd been interested before but this hit me like a train#the same but renewed love for it now#i'm sOBBING#mY CHILDHOOD#vent#queer#LGBTQIA+#personal#doctor who#tenth doctor#fourteenth doctor#new who#too much has happened in between i've missed it all too much i've NEEDED THIS like you JUST DON'T KNOW#rant#trans men#transgender#transmasculine#gay#mlm#aspec#neurodivergence
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yesterday i saw an apartment in like what's considered the best city to live in here esp for young ppl (so it's got extremely expensive rent. as you can guess) and it was decent. the landlord was very like. pushy? and a bit aggressive to the point that we now got the text from the real estate agent we went through where he convinced him to be flexible with our terms and prices and such. but bc of his vibe i said no. but this apartment was lovely and in an extremely insanely good location (and he agreed to lower rent to a price you might find in cheaper neighborhoods or cities). however. part of me also got scared bc idk if i can live in this city...... i simply do not have the tel avivi temperament i don't even smoke weed i'm not even vegan.. idk if i could handle it.......
#the issue is. in the city i do want to live in. there's barely any apartments for rent. mostly for purchase#bc it's more for families and ppl who are planning to settle down there for at least a few years#they're also just built bigger bc of it so prices go up with that. so this is all very unfortunate for me#however tlv is very much filled with apartments to rent. most of them awful but also most ppl don't care as long as they get to live in tlv.#there's also the city my friends live in which has a lot of young ppl too lol. due to its proximity to tlv with significantly cheaper rent#but it's very popular bc of that. and many buildings in it are so old that they have a bunch of issues (as i see in my friends' apartments)#like very weak water stream lots of power outages in winter and leakage on top floors etc#no elevators in most of them too so i have to settle for first floor which . i really don't wanna#it has cheap neighborhoods too but without a license and a car they're kinda impossible for me to live in 😬#this is why I've been looking for months but anything half decent gets taken super fast 🥲#the apartment i mentioned last week i think? got signed in the day or two where we passed the contract to a lawyer to see if it's okay#being careful doesn't pay off either...... but unfortunately since it is my first time leaving home i am Scared and ig so are my parents#anyway this is my apartment hunting ramble/rant for the day 😔 ignore me i'm just . suffering#at this point i can picture where exactly on the map each neighborhood is -_- even in cities i don't know that well
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#i just remembered that my aunt is moving out at the end of the month and i've been off and on crying for#the past 20 minutes and idk what to do#im very proud of her for this but i fucking hate this big of a change#she lived with us for 6 years and we've grown so much closer ugh#she's only moving 20 minutes away but i cant drive to go see her#she has this great new job but it's gonna keep her busy for a while so god knows when#i'll be able to actually see her and fuck even talk to her#i know we joke that she'll never visit us again but i cant help but think it's true fuck#and school has kept me too busy to play games with her and do stuff with her#and it feels like this is the last week i'll have with her#i feel so stupid crying over this cause she's only 20 minutes away but fuck#i hate this#i hate crying#and i dont know how to tell her how i feel without coming over to clingy and shit#like tonight we were playing games and she didn't come down cause she had work#which ofc is fine#but then she was just talking with her bf and i feel so selfish for wishing that she didnt talk to him#ugh#i just wish i didnt care this deep and that i'd stop crying#i just need to calm down and maybe do some school and rest#to delet later#this is just a rant#it made me feel idk#i didnt stop crying
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this fandom is so weird about everything like. why can't we be normal
#i mean i know im one to talk but.#anyway. not about anything in particular i've just been here for so much fucking discourse that it's actually insane#and most of it is over absolutely ridiculous shit too#like. aren't yall tired. are you ready for beddy bye yet. do you need some warm milk. do you need a kiss on the forehead#because it seems as though a lot of you do.#okay rant over#st.txt
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the struggle of being a phone guy fan but not knowing anything about dsaf or dialtown
#i am getting a bit interested though#the dialtown character designs are very cool and i love seeing art of them on my dash even though idk who they are :)#and i've osmosised a bit#like i've memorized a few of their names#if anyone is in that fandom and wants to explain the lore i would be interested#my point still stands though#it is a shame that it's so hard to find art of my guy#the dsaf one is good too but it's just not the same#that's not my guy yknow#the vibes are different#(for context i did watch a playthrough of dsaf 1 so i know that much)#anyway this has been my rant#no shame to the dsaf/dialtown fandoms keep doing what your doing#i just wish normal fnaf phone guy got more appreciation
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